There is some great technique, particularly in the first few paragraphs of this pieces. We've got alliteration and assonance then clever similes and metaphors while maintaining the plays on sound with some subtle rhyme here and there. I only wish the high prose held throughout the whole piece. For instance, "obeyed" could have been "acquiesced," which would have flowed elegantly after trilled in the prior sentence.
Overall, though, I'm impressed with the prose where it shines best. Nice work.
Good total dystopia :| I would've loved a few more bits of hope though.
I tend to be a pessimist, but I still tend to agree with some form of hope to offset any accidental predictive programming.
A teacher of mine who was once a involuntary vacation center enjoyer, she said that pessimism is there to help you fail.
I kept thinking the man who was called in was the problem. It's cool that I was right.
That would probably be me in that society. 20 years and one thought gets me atomized.
Its all in projection and how these totalitarian types commit crimes far more heinous than the ones they defer the blame onto.
There is some great technique, particularly in the first few paragraphs of this pieces. We've got alliteration and assonance then clever similes and metaphors while maintaining the plays on sound with some subtle rhyme here and there. I only wish the high prose held throughout the whole piece. For instance, "obeyed" could have been "acquiesced," which would have flowed elegantly after trilled in the prior sentence.
Overall, though, I'm impressed with the prose where it shines best. Nice work.
I really appreciate it, MarQuese! I will certainly consider a consistent literary texture next time!